Daughter: “Daddy! He said I’m stupid!”
Me: “Well? Are you?”
Daughter: “No.”
Me: “Then why would you believe him?”

The conversation above has happened many times, and I’m certain it will again. This time there was even evidence detailed on the driveway in chalk. Kids can be mean to each other even when they are good friends. Brothers pick on sisters and vice versa. That’s normal, but even in the everyday banter between rival siblings, you have to ask questions. So I decided to probe a bit.

Me: “Son. Why are you calling your sister dumb? You know she’s smart, right?”
Son: (with eyes downcast) “I dunno.”
Me: “Is someone calling you dumb?”
Son: (squirming away) “Yes…”

So there it was. The kids at school have been calling him dumb. When asked why they might say that, my son responded it was because he sometimes got answers wrong or didn’t finish his homework. It was then my job to build my son up, but I feel like I have to set expectations properly. I told him that he needed to work harder and pay more attention in school. I’ve seen him put in good work, and if he’s interested in a subject he can recite more facts on it that you would want. Kids think he’s “dumb” because his school-work isn’t up to someone’s standards. He begins to feel low about himself and so, when he gets home, he puts down his sister to feel better about himself. I pulled him in and gave him a hug. I built him up some more and reassured him that my wife and I don’t have any dumb kids. When he smiled, I felt like I’d helped just a bit.

So there’s a slice of our life. My talk won’t get the kids at school to stop calling him names, but hopefully he can feel safe at home, where he is loved.  They certainly can be frustrating, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.

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